.first world problems.

I have come a long way this Christmas season.

I have accepted joy and ended many fights with my husband on how I see Christmas as a consumerism nightmare (granted I accepted it mostly once all presents were bought, wrapped and shipped to their destination).

I have dealt with a lot of pain that comes with growing up and family changing.

I thought I might even make it to my first Christmas since I graduated high school, normal.

But then Phil had to go and stoke a fire.

Oh, Phil. How dare you quote the Bible, speak your mind and stand for your faith!?

How dare you do exactly what Jesus called you to do!?

PAUSE:
This is not a "Vote for Phil" topic. He just happened to throw kerosene on a fire I have had for some time.

REWIND:
When I first decided to go on a date with Jay (long story), I did so because God used him in a powerful way to help me make it through a tough Christmas experience. That year I was single, had two jobs, and still had my rent paid for - I needed for nothing. So, I asked that instead of wasting money on me, my family buy something from the Samaritan's Purse catalog. I wanted goats bought for families, bikes bought for girls, meals paid for schools, ect. I wanted nothing for myself. I thought they would be thrilled. It took two years, legit therapy and more prayerful tears than I can count to understand, I stepped on their love language for me. They show love by finding creative ways to buy me things I cherish [ie. the snow globe with a carousel horse in it that my dad gave me when I was small, I would listen to the song on nights he was away on business; as an adult, I listen to it to make it through a tough day]. That's my mature understanding of the situation, YEARS after the fact. The reality at the time: I was broken and angry. I needed nothing! There were people all over the world who need the very things you and I take for granted, such as clean water. I hated that I would get a shirt, when there were millions who needed food. I hated that I would receive yet another pair of shoes [this would be when shoe consumption was an addiction issue], there were children who had never owned even one pair. Christmas that year made me sick to my stomach. I felt so guilty, not blessed. I felt heavy with burden, when I should have felt joy.

TRUTH:
Since that Christmas, I have experienced so much. What I should have seen that year was that being an American is an absolute blessing. Coming from a first world country is a blessing. Having parents who worked hard and diligently tithed, is a blessing. It is okay to receive, they are blessed in their giving and I am blessed in receiving with a joyful, thankful heart.

FAST FORWARD BACK TO PRESENT:

Phil Robertson. Do I need to go into detail what all he said, or can we just agree that your Facebook newsfeed has made it quite clear from the viewpoint of both liberal and conservative values??

I am not normal this Christmas. I probably never will succeed at such delusions.

I cried in the first verse of the first song today at the Christmas Eve service.

Why?

Because I can walk into a beautiful building, filled with amazing people, and sing praises to my God.

Because Santa or no Santa, I am allowed to celebrate Christmas for what I believe!

Because I have met those who have snuck into closed countries to spread the gospel in secret in actual FEAR of persecution by violent death.

Because Phil Robertson is perfectly fine. People got their feelings hurt and took to social media to slander his name. BUT PHIL ROBERTSON WAS NOT BURNED ALIVE FOR HIS BELIEFS! He was taken off a TV show - this is not persecution!

This is persecution: http://crossmap.christianpost.com/news/at-least-205-christians-killed-by-fulani-herdsmen-in-nigeria-thousands-displaced-church-services-halted-7685#.UrMes9wzwTk.facebook.

Why are you wasting time on slander?! Phil knows the Bible, clearly. He knew as the words were coming out of his mouth the truth:

• You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Matthew 10:22

• If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. John 15:18

• Everyone will hate you because of me. Luke 21:17

Phil doesn't need your Facebook, social media support. Jesus saved that man and trust me, he will fight righteously just fine on his own - especially if this world goes further to hell than it already has: he has plenty of ammunition to fight a good long battle before actual persecution sets in.

You know who needs your support!? 

• Samaritan's Purse: http://www.samaritanspurse.org/our-ministry/donate-online/ 

• Nashville Rescue Mission: http://www.nashvillerescuemission.org/donate/donate_now/ 

• Water Missions International: https://my.watermissions.org/donate 

• Blood Water Mission: http://www.bloodwatermission.com/communitybuilder/ 

• Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/ 

• Mountain Top Ministries: http://www.mtmhaiti.com 

• The A21 Campaign: http://www.thea21campaign.org/content/21-ways-to-get-involved/gjf4co 

• Orphans

• Widows

• The Starving

• Victims of Abuse

If you are reading this on a computer, with internet that has not politically blocked all forms of free speech: then you are blessed! You will have a wonderful Christmas if for nothing than the simple fact that you are not hunted for your beliefs. You are in little to no danger for being violently murdered for your beliefs.

All this to say: stop taking your life so seriously as though you know persecution and fall before The Lord God Almighty and thank Him for your Freedom to Love Him openly.

While you're at it - thank a soldier for fighting for the same freedom. 

.things I didn't do this year.

2013 has thus far been filled with a jumble of random things I have done. 

This includes:

- Traveling to Colorado Springs to live in a hotel and study discipleship

- Going home to Tennessee earlier than planned to further my relationship with my Jay

- Spending yet another summer nannying with my beloved Brenton and Adelynn

- Getting engaged in an airplane

- Packing and moving ALL of our possessions to Charleston, SC

- Saying goodbye a second time in 8 months to my family in Nashville

- Getting married in a Post Office

- Dedicating our marriage to The Lord in a homeless shelter

- Starting over again in a new city

- Searching and searching and searching for a job, any job

- Finding jobs that must have been created by the devil

- Learning this is a season in a city specifically for learning

I am positive this list could be faaaaaaar longer, but these are the basics. I, we, have done a lot that looks incredibly random and wishy-washy. Often our families have thought and expressed, "Just make a decision and settle down." 

But why?

There have been plenty of moments in 2013, when decisions on this list were made in my own judgement without consulting God. However, I am His child, His creation, He gets the glory when He takes my stupid decision and uses it for His good. Nonetheless, I like to believe I have worked very hard to follow as closely to His guidance as possible. I believe He has had yet to call me to "settle down and make a decision." So why would people tell me to do something God has not yet revealed??

I am seeking to find His calling in my life. I am seeking His desire for my marriage. I am seeking whole heartedly in hope to please Him, even when it hurts and even when I do not understand.

So what is it that I did not do in 2013??

I did not give up...

Galatians 6:7-9 (NIV)

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked! A man reaps what He sows. The one who sows his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!! 

My life has always seemed like a whirlwind of crazy decision after crazy decision. I understand and have heard those who mock me and my difference, but the longer I travel down this road, the more confidence I gain: I have not given up! I have lived and seen more than I could have ever dreamed. I thought I would travel Europe, I haven't yet, but I have seen God's face in the everyday life He has already given me, and it has been a life changing experience. 

I am so joyful in what God has shown me in this season. People may not understand; they are vocal and expressive about it typically. But I can't imagine that when Billy Graham was first following God's crazy guidance, that people were always supportive, and He's touched more lives for Christ than anyone in the history of time. 

I have done a lot in 2013, and I may never turn out even a tiny fraction of as gifted as Billy Graham, but I take the mocking as a sign I am following the right direction.

I am most joyous in what I have not done in 2013:

I have not given up...

.it was only a matter of time.

.yeah, yeah- I am slow at this.. But we seriously talk about our feelings so much here, that I have little to blog about at the end of the day.

Time for the layout of what is probably going to be the plan for my outreach. If you have ever been involved in missions, you understand that 4 weeks out is too soon to tell what will actually happen. In reality, we often won't know until the morning of, and then plans have full ability to change by lunch. So for now ((&&yes this is as detailed as I can be)):::

April 2-May 29

I will be headed with 36 of my dear YWAM family to THAILAND.

We are flying from Colorado to San Francisco ((3 hour layover)), then to Tokyo ((4 hour layover)), then finally to Bangkok, Thailand.

We will spend a few days in Bangkok dealing with the YWAM base there, to go through cultural training, some visits to the Buddhist temples to get a feel for God's heart for the Thai people, and to handle some jet lag. After that, 18 of us plus the leaders' 20month-old daughter are headed to the city of Mae Sot, by bus ((like a Grey Hound Bus, actually apparently "quite lovely" according to London, who has already been to Thailand)).

Mae Sot is a trading post type area for the most part, but it is also home to refuge for many of the Burmese people who have been fleeing their country's civil war. Here we will be living and working with "Pastor Michael" as a part of his ministry to the Burmese refugees, both illegal and legal. He has a school for the Burmese children, and he also does a lot of open air ministry in the factories around the area. I am looking forward to this time, because for me, missions means humble walking and living with the poorest of the poor. To me, God is seen so much brighter and desperately needed and wanted more than in cities, especially America. We will be staying in Mae Sot for 4 weeks.

After our time with Pastor Michael is up, we are heading, again by bus, to Chiang Rai in the northern province of Thailand, close to Laos. Here we will be staying with Bobby, a native of Chicago, and his wife, Booyah ((not a lie)) a native of the Thai Hilltribe, Akah. Here, we will be doing a number of random things. We are Bobby & Booyah's pioneer group and the first they have hosted for their ministry. They are slowly opening a café in their area to hopefully bring in young adults in order to create relationships before evangelizing. They are also thinking we will have the opportunity to teach English camps with a school down the street. We may also be doing 2-3 day treks and labor jobs in the mountains with the Hilltribes. But mostly, we are there to create relationships with the local young people to allow them to feel comfortable and relatable and safe with missionaries. We are spending our final 4 weeks in Chiang Rai.

At some point, we will head back to Bangkok to meet up with the rest of our school who are staying in Bangkok the full 8 weeks to street evangelize. Then on May 29 we will fly back to Colorado for a week of debriefing and dealing with culture shock. Then on June 6, I am flying home to Nashville to hug&kiss Jay, see my kiddos, and watch my beautiful friend Kristin get married. I then will most likely be returning to finish out the last few weeks of YWAM with my classmates before heading back to beautiful Nashville to live out my discipleship training after June 27.

I have no idea if anyone even reads this thing. I have no idea what to write most of the time, because I have no idea who I am writing to... What do you want to know about my time here??

.picture this.

So this last week was intense & the week to come is supposedly even more intense.. I don't know how to fully put any of it into words just yet, so I am just going to take this time to post some pictures.. Enjoy- I'm really bad at remembering to photograph things, but I'm working on it..

[oh before hand, I feel the need to inform all of you that I have not turned into a healer who dances- I have returned to my comfy corner & loving God in my own manner & worshipping mostly on my own in my own way :)) ]

So there are mountains:: pikes peak is the really tall one with snow.
There are roommates: Victoria is the blonde, Angela is the one in the photo with me on her own, Sierra is the one in the dryer that says dont put humans in it (also the one removing her fingernail polish while sitting at the park), then there is a photo with all of us with Canada in the middle (actual name is Heather, but Canada mostly)..
There are deer: No, seriously we walk to the gas station every day to get coffee & Friday we were walking back to class when there were 5 deer staring at us, so we followed them to class- they legitimately walked on sidewalks and used the cross walk!! It was crazy!!
There are random coffee shop pictures: I am trying to find fun coffee shops & not drink at Starbucks.. One place we played Scrabble/Crossword. I won :)) yay for my English degree!! Haha.
There is a creepy Asian Santa & Christmas dinosaur: there is a place called the North Pole that was completely deserted & kinda terrified us, so we took pictures.. Haha.

.dont rock the boat.

In my mind, today is just another day hanging out with my sister, Molly Wright [figuratively of course since she is about 18 hours away]. I smile to myself- at 19 years old, however many years ago, I remember thinking, "Will we ever be friends who are so close that I would tell her my secrets??" I have to laugh, because I would have never thought that at 22 she would step back into my life and play such an amazingly large part in the restoration of my life with God. Now at 24, I look back on a conversation we have had many times in our ever growing friendship-- "Does God have a sense of humor??" Why yes, He does!? No worries, I have a pretty serious explanation to back my argument up... Plus, I know at least she will get a kick out of his post...

Keep in mind while considering my experiences-- I prayed to God this week that in exchange of my voice toward idol speech & any escaping to my comfort of calling home to complain or talk things through, I would open my mind and heart to new ideas and concepts to get closer to Him.. It's about as humorous as praying for patience- if you ever have, you know exactly what I am talking about--

Example 1:: Monday morning first thing is always corporate worship held in the "ballroom" here on campus- as per usual there was singing, people praying, just like maybe a Sunday morning worship service in church. All sounds normal and completely INSIDE my box, right?? I am comfortable- God is setting the stage, He smiles down and suddenly flips the mystery card over and there it is- one of my biggest questions and follies in faith:: healing. The prayer warriors in the room claim they all feel as though there is healing that needs to be interceded and prayed for-- whaaaa..!? I am not comfortable any longer. They call up everyone who feels they need healing, whether it be physical, mental or emotional- just healing. Oh, Lord!! My heart laughs- literally!! All I could think and feel is my heart pulling, saying, "you cut me a deal-- you wanna hold your end or not??" Alright- here's the ledge, close my eyes and step off in great-- I mean huge-- faith.. The group goes around, they say, "if you know this cry of healing need, come intercede and pray for and with these brothers and sisters of yours.." My heart pulls, "you ready??" WHAT!? Um, God you're mistaken, I said I would be open minded, not act in the uncomfortable situation. --again, laughter & "you cut me a deal-- you wanna hold your end or not??" Dagnabbit - I do - ughhh.. A father from the campus stands in the gap for the children [theres a bug going around]- there's that silly pull again- how many times has it crossed my mind when I was holding a sick child in my arms to pray for healing?? What about when they handed me little 5 month old Webb when he was wheezing because his acid reflux had gotten so it had begun to erode his esophagus?? I broke before God and asked Him to heal that beautiful little person in my arms- now he's a beautiful little man of 3 years and 5 months!! So, I closed my eyes and stepped off the ledge.. God certainly has a sense of humor- be open minded, Jess 😉..

Example 2:: Again, corporate worship in the ballroom- only now the scene is set for this morning- a few short hours ago. After a whirlwind moment with God yesterday that left me feeling redeemed and whole, I was far more open to singing with truth in the songs. A member of the community came forward, you could see torment on his face. He and his family just arrived back in The Springs last week after 6 years in Sudan- because they and their intern were Americans, the Sudanese government gave them 48 hours to get out of the country [for safety, & the last thing the Sudanese wanted was to hurt an American missionary family, then of course greet the Navy Seals at their doorstep]. This father, informed us that the YWAM members left there now are all Sudanese or Egyptian- a number of them have now been taken in for interrogation- only God knows what that can entail. The correspondence has gone quiet to keep themselves safe from whatever could be listening. He was commissioning his community to stand in the gap- stand in the gap and pray for those who are part of his YWAM family and may be persecuted, maybe even murdered for their stance next to God. Wow, God- thank you that I can stand here in the western United States of America or back home in the Midwest, the South, and everywhere far in near within our boarders and sing to a Father I cannot see, but truly believe in. No persecution here can even stand up against that from the other side of the world. People prayed, people sang, I am still comfortable. Then, God came back in, grinned and flipped over the mystery card of uncomfort:: dancing!! What!?! Dancing!? First off God, was it not you that created me to white, and bore me into a baptist family of Bear & Sal!? A woman grabbed the mike and quoted scripture- we can dance on the head of evil.. There it is, scriptures that may be sound and righteous, but definitely on the outside of my box. God laughs and yet again squares my heart up in his sights and asks- "you cut me a deal-- you wanna hold your end or not??" Now was it like big, fancy or even noticeable?? I was not the ballerina at the front of the room [her name is Ella, I used to think she was too much and maybe crazy, now I love her because she's just enough and a little crazy enough to make my soul smile at God's creation]- but I can say with shy remark- I closed my eyes, stood on that ledge with God- took a deep breath and stepped off the ledge. --confession though:: I totally borrowed the directors' 15month old for parts of it [baby dancing is inside my box- ask Adelynn Kate, we dance to princess music all the time]. God most certainly has a sense of humor-- have an open mind Jessie Rae 😉!!

You may be asking yourself how I am taking this... In laughter, of course. Why not?? It's funny... Dare I say hilarious?? I use this word based on my lecture from yesterday. The point of this week is Biblical Worldview- asking some of the crazy uncomfortable "don't rock the boat" questions [biggest one yesterday- do those who never hear the name of Jesus, go to heaven or hell?? --whoa, right??].. But yesterday in the final hour she brought about the beauty of redemption and that while there are many many questions that only God answers, we can still know truth- we are redeemed in Christ. She explained that the word used for sacrifice in Hebrew (or Greek maybe- either way you get my point) is "Hilastérion" [classroom reference: Romans 3:25] - this is the root of the word hilarious. When we take a step of redeeming faith, God is hilariously happy with us!! While sacrifice is by no means hilarious most of the time [Christ's crucifixion being one that is certainly not funny, but serious & life changing], I can't help but find my sacrifice of speech in order to seek open mindedness this week-- hilarious!!

All I can do is hold my head in the palm of my hand, shake my head, laugh out loud, and look up at Molly and state: "God most certainly has a sense of humor.."

--only 149 days left--

💛jrc

.actions speak louder than words.

Hello, friends, family, loved ones, all who have gathered here today-

I greatly apologize if any of you were hoping to call and chat over the next week. As crazy as it sounds, God has laid it on my heart to take a week off of "chatting" and instead to spend a week silent in Him. I spoke with a leader here about it to make sure that it would be okay and I was actually hearing from God (you never know in this crazy head of mine who might be talking). [[After discussions with her, she asked that I still participate in class, small group, and when I have to meet with my one-on-one guidance counselor lady/prayer partner/person I am supposed to vent to]]. But after finding the verse, Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent," then a week long lecture on hearing the voice of The Lord- I decided to spend time being silent, letting Him fight for me, and listening in hoping to find some peace. While I have tried my best to stay positive and open minded here, I realize that my own words get in my way of keeping those things true.

So, please bear with me. My phone is still on in case of emergencies- feel free to text encouraging messages or things going on in your life, just please do not get offended if I do no text or call back before next Sunday afternoon.

Ecclesiastes 5:4 "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools: fulfill your vow."

Only 151 days left.

ps. I will also use this time to try and upload some more photos to share.

💛jrc

.better late than never.

[you may be asking yourself-- how many clichés can she use to title her posts with?-- we'll, I don't know but it's starting to sound like a fun challenge my literary heart can try out 😃]

I apologize for my further delay on this post- it has been more of an adjustment than I thought it would be [plus as I will explain, I am learning that it is okay to decline people's invitations to be social every time we have a free moment].

Where to start?? I refuse to give you a day-to-day update, mostly because the title of this blog is Something Worth the Read, and to drudge through the boring daily matters would definitely not be worth any read whatsoever. So, lets highlight the good, the bad, and the freaking nuts.

Good: I still actually like my roommates- and by gosh- I'm actually being serious! Ha. I can hear all my former roommates, saying, "Dear Heavens, why couldn't you have been that way with us!?" Okay, honest truth?? I'm not the biggest fan of people all up I my living space- in fact I have lived alone for 3.5 years after living with about 15 people within 2 short years ((lots of moving plus a tornado being the cause)), so I was mostly terrified I would want to commit a violent crime by now. However, I am finding them incredible. We are actually the only room that hasn't had a single problem with roommates. Everyone wishes they lived in here with us, but my favorite part is that we don't let other people in here for "fellowship"- not because we are exclusive, but to avoid that awkward moment when you really just want to be like, "okay, so I'm going to bed and you need to get out.." We live in a hotel for crying out loud, we can fellowship in about 2000 other places.

Good: Shockingly enough, and definitely to my surprise, girls are noticing me as older, a leader, and someone they want to talk with about heir problems. Most of these girls I haven't gotten to know too well, mostly because there are 22 of us, so it's kind of hard this early in to our time. But apparently I have fooled them into thinking I am wise enough to have an answer for them (no worries, I am very much learning to pray for all the words so that I am hopefully leading them in the general path of correct). But within the first week, I had a girl come to me and ask me about boy advice, because she knew the short version of my story before Jay, and she said she could just tell from the way that I speak of Jay and the things she had heard us say to one another, that she respects my advice on dating and takes it to heart. Wow- talk about pressure!? I keep starting off conversations with, I do not have all the answers, and many that I do have have a high rate of being wrong, but what I have learned up until now is... Ahh! I am just trying to figure out my own crazy life, I am hardly equipped to help anyone else figure out theirs.

Good: I am learning a lot about myself. A lot about myself the way God views me and wants relationship with me. While I have always known that was overall desire, these folks are super into making it an actual real life thing. First week lecture was based on the character and nature of God- I was slightly bored because it was mostly like freshmen year at Union again in Old & New Testament Survey. However, it left me with a hunger to read the Bible as a whole in historical order- good thing I have my hook up at LifeWay Bookstore!! 😄 I forgot that I was supposed to get a free new Chronological Life Application Study Bible after I had done my training on it at work just before I left- so I text my manager and asked if he would send one to me when my newly rebound Bible arrived. ((Side note:: my parents had my bible they gave me for Christmas in 2003, rebound/sewn back together as a Christmas present this year)). So my managers sent me my Bibles, but the huge blessing was that they chose to send me one of the really nice leather bound versions- typically store associates get a hardback copy for free for doing the training on new study bibles. I am so incredibly excited!! I have never read the whole bible all the way through and I am getting to do it in full historical order!! Ahh- how my life has changed, this would have never excited me when I was 19 and had just first left home.

Good: I'm working on being open minded to other people's concepts of worship and prayer-- we will cover this in "the freaking nuts"..

Good/Bad: Transitioning here into the iffy line between good and bad... We are pretty much as busy as they promised, but it's less because of classes and more because there is absolutely no time to be alone. So upside is that I have little time to remember that I am insanely homesick and could use a seriously awesome hug from one of my tiny humans. I am having a hard time learning to say no to people and I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed. So I am having to take time for myself and learning that its to say no when offered constant human contact in the form of even more constant talking. In the words of my lovely British roommate, "Let's be serious with ourselves here, no one is that happy all the time!." Haha. She's confused why Americans are so "bloody" nice all the time.

Bad/Good: I have no car, and there are way less opportunities to go places than we had originally been told. On the upside, I am renting a car as of tomorrow, for the next 9ish weeks. So I will be getting out there and hopefully will be able to take a picture of something for you to actually look at.

Bad/Good: This weeks lecture was about hearing the voice of God. The class was taught by a 72year-old woman who was just sweet as pie named, Sarah. I started this week off by being quite honestly insanely skeptical. Long story short, I mostly didn't believe that God spoke to everyone and I was near insanity at the fact that the only thing anyone does here is pray or sing- it's crazy. Sarah is apparently Jesus' best bud and she was claiming that she clearly hears God speak to her and that she had prayed over all of our pictures before the week began and had asked God what He wanted us to know. First thought?? This lady is about as sane as a loon. Her message for me ((btw, here they call it "getting a word" from God)), "follow Him." To my dislike, she had actually hit a mark on my heart. I did not realize she had hit that mark until we were doing an exercise a day later. The game went as follows: there were three people to a group- 1 person was blindfolded and was considered the follower, -1 person was to be the voice of Jesus [this was me], -1 person was to be the voice of the devil, -the objection was to not tell the follower who was Jesus and who was the devil, but to just speak to her and convince the follower to follow us through an obstacle course of sorts, -my job was to get the follower back to where we started and the devils job was to get her anywhere but back to that point, -all I had to do was talk to her about her problems she had previously come to me about, as I walked backwards in front of her and just told her to follow my voice and I would let her know when it was time to turn, but not a moment sooner than necessary... Suddenly what Sarah had told me sounded so true. All I need to do is follow Him because He is just talking to me about the stuff we talk about already, and I won't know when the next turn or bump in the road is until I get there. Ugh! My thoughts?. How cool!? Followed by: This is really messed up and annoying!! Hopefully reaching: Okay, I can handle this.

Freaking Nuts: Now to the part that I am trying to stay open minded about, but seriously- it's a bit much. Most people are normal, but there are a good chunk of people who are far more charismatic than I have ever experienced outside of movies. There's the crying out to God at the top of their lungs, every time!! I mean, I may have accepted every now and then, but every time is too much, and hardly believable. Then there is shouting out prayers- no- screaming them out!! It scares me, but screaming things always makes me nervous and uncomfortable. And they all are very big on laying hands on each other and huddling up everyone they can find to pray over one another. While I can, again, see this as an every now and then thing, every time?? Is that necessary?? It terrifies me to tell people my problems for fear they will all want to touch me and scream at Jesus in the process. There is flag dancing- which I guess falls into the category of "to each his own"- but my little baptist, non-clapping, certainly not dancing heart, it's strange. We have corporate worship with the entire base every Monday and Wednesday morning, which is typically far more than I can handle- then as far as my specific class, we have worship in Friday morning as well-- it's just a lot of church- a very different church than I am used to, as well.

Over all- my challenge to myself to stay positive and open minded is going well so far. Only time will tell.. But for the most part I am crazy homesick, counting down the days, and doing everything I can to use this time to learn more about myself, God and the scriptures, and spend more time with God in general.

There are only 153 days left.

.here goes nothin'.

[the Internet password given out to everyone was wrong, so I am just now able to post this]..

While there are many stories to be told as to how I got to this point in my life; there are even more people to thank-- I figured this first post really just needed to be a quick update. Bear and I (for those of you who don't know, Bear is my father) flew in Wednesday evening to Colorado Springs. Yesterday morning we checked me into the Youth with a Mission, Strategic Frontiers, location just a few short miles from he Garden of the gods. After checking me in, seeing my room, dropping off my luggage & picking my bunk, Bear and I headed out to run some errands for the few things I forgot. I got to spend some extra time with him thankfully since we checked me in around 10am and did not have to be back on base until 4pm. Then we went to a dinner where staff and students were introduced and I did my least favorite activity in the world-- spoke into a microphone in front of people. After the dinner, Bear headed out and I headed back to my room for some quick alone time and unpacking. If you know anything about me, you probably know that I am apt to live out of a suit case until I've worn everything into the laundry basket, so my being the only one in my room unpacked is nothing short of a miracle. But this is my new leaf, so not only did I unpack, but I made my bed!! That's right, my mother and my boyfriend just fainted in shock. :) After unpacking and chatting it up for a bit with my roommates, I hit the freshly made sack and slept pretty well in this tiny twin bunk. Though, lets be serious, I really missed my fuzzy old man puppy to sleep with me.

Then this morning I woke up before 6am so I could shower and dry my hair before the roommates woke up. Breakfast starts at 6:45, then we had a day filled with plenty of syllabus stuff- he who we are's, the why we are's, the do this, please don't do that's, the here's this & that's... Even the, don't let in strangers and what to do if we come across a stranger who most certainly does not belong here. I felt a little better when I realized they aren't completely anti self-protection of fire arms out here in hippie land. Then we had a break before dinner when I played a thrilling game of spoons and did what I cold to observe and learn about my fellow students. Then there was dinner, followed by a few big group games. I'm not a huge gamer outside of my family christmas games where we are all a bunch of dirty cheaters, so playing cheesy don't cheat games is hard for me. Ha. But I am pushing myself outside of my hermit shell and engaging in people and doing my best to not be the loner girl that I can so easily become.

Okay so I don't know much about many people, but here's my basic run down:
-there are 28 students, 22 female and 6 male [most girls seem to be exactly like all females and stick to their own personal groups and types, while the guys seem to be mostly afraid of speaking near a female-- oh and I don't really remember anyone's name]
-the leaders are either married with children, or married with children on the way, or about to be married.. There are tiny humans everywhere, and Bear called it a beading ground. Haha!
-my roommates are as follows:
London- her name is Victoria and she rocks with her British accent. She when to University in London to study English Lit so I already like her- she is 25 and thinks she may want to become a women's prison Chaplin :)
Minnesota- her name is Angela. She is 23 and incredibly quiet. She likes photography and claims to come out of her shell once she gets comfortable, so I will be very interested to see who she really is, hopefully soon.
Texas- her name is Sierra and she's 18 and just graduated high school in November. She is incredibly outgoing and you can just see how excited she is to learn what on earth God wants from her.

This is all just a lot at moments, I often find myself overwhelmed. I hope to give you something worth reading soon, because I am praying I will be doing something worth writing even sooner.

.jrc.